


The Still Point Of The Turning World

by AllisBright



Category: No Fandom, Original Work
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Codependency, Depression, Divorce, Dysfunctional Family, Established Relationship, F/M, Family, Family Drama, Family Feels, Family Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Idiots in Love, Mention of Mental Illness, Mention of Suicide Attempt, Not What It Looks Like, Relationship Issues, Suicidal Thoughts, Trauma, Trust Issues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-13
Updated: 2021-01-02
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:42:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28045626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AllisBright/pseuds/AllisBright
Summary: A family, unsigned divorce papers, lockdown, too much time to think, too much time to feel.
Relationships: Original Female Character/Original Male Character
Kudos: 4





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Hello lovely people,  
> this is my first attempt of a so-called Original Work.  
> Please be kind and if you're in for all the feels, then please stay.  
> Thank you for reading and don't forget to leve a sign of your passage.  
> x

_April 2020, the Lakehouse, Italy._

The house was still quiet, the sky still dark, but he was wide awake.  
He was sitting on the swing in the terrace of the master bedroom, lulled by the reassuring noise of the water.  
He had left the large window open, so that he could see her, cuddled up on the bed.  
He couldn’t wrap his mind around how much their lives had change in the past two weeks.  
That was the first time they were living under the same roof again in three years, and it was definitely the first time they were _forced_ to share the same house, the same spaces, the same bed.  
But when looking at his wife sleeping, because after all, she was _still his wife_ , he couldn’t help but think of _course it’s you. I know you. It’s still you_.  
She was the only concept that was still familiar, that felt safe.  
Funny thing, he never ever cared for safety nor stability, and his way of escaping everything that could even remotely feel permanent had surely played a part on the end of they marriage.  
_That_ and the fact that she had changed, proving that nothing was really permanent.If there was something he would have bet his head on was that she would never change.  
But she had.  
He shook his head, amused at the paradox of his own mind.  
She had never stopped loving him, though. Not even for a minute.  
What happened was that she had stopped worshipping the ground he walked on. She had fixed herself up without his help and realised that she could be her own person, and live a life of her own.  
And she was doing it wonderfully, maybe better than him. Or so he thought. Apparently, what he thought, was never right.  
There had been that accident and it had shaken him up so violently that he had filed for divorce without even thinking about it twice, expecting that it would be as simple as it had been getting married: a couple of signatures.  
But she had refused to sign, for some reasons that she always failed to explain.  
She said that despite it all they were still in love, and she couldn’t possibly do it, but at the same time she didn’t want to trap him in a life he didn’t wanted.  
And then there was Nina: their daughter, his miracle, the bond that would always keep them together, the reason why, after a while, he shad topped taunting his wife with the divorce papers and let it be.  
They had all adjusted at their peculiar way to be a family, no matter where in the world they were: Nina and Marie in London, he usually in Los Angeles.  
Then there was the lake house, a gift, the proof of the devotion he once felt for her and that now was… _gone?_  
Surely being forced to stay at home, unable to leave the house, a pandemic and everything that was going on in the world gave him a lot of free time to think and feel, yet he couldn’t figure out a single thing.  
His thoughts and feelings were all tangled up and trying to make sense of them was exhausting. T  
he only thing he was sure of was Marie. Looking at her, listening to her brought peace to his mind. Her voice, her smell were peaceful, and that was confusing, but it was enough.  
Finding something peaceful in the midst of the apocalypse was enough.

He hopped off the swing, and returned to bed, careful not to wake her, hoping to catch a couple of hours of sleep before Nina would get up.  
When he had moved there, they had decided they wound’t share the same room, as Nina was used to climb in bed with Marie when she was scared, and they didn’t want the child to believe that they were back together, that they were _normal_ again, because everything that was conventional was completely unfamiliar to Nina.  
But they never followed through, or better, he never followed through with it.  
He would follow Marie to her room, they would talk about the same things, without ever say anything new, really, or anything they really wanted to say, she would end up falling asleep in the early hours of the morning and he would just go outside, sit on the swing, in the silence, in the dark, listening to his old secrets, his own fears, until the sun would come out.  
He knew that his battle with sleep was long lost and he would all himself lucky if he was able to lay down and close his eyes for a handful of minutes.  
Then he would get up, grab something to eat and wait for Nina to rush downstairs claiming her breakfast.

  
That was his new routine.A kind of life he never lived before, a kind of life he never imagined he could possibly survive to.

His head had just touched the pillow when he heard the bedroom door being open and his daughter’s feet on the wooden floor.  
He heard her stop at her mother side of the bed for a second, then, she quickly walked around it and before he knew she was staring at him, with her stuffed bunny in her hands.  
“Daddy?” Nina raised her reddish eyebrow “You’re in my spot.”  
“Nina, sweetie, what are you doing here?”  
“What are _you_ doing here, daddy?”  
“Shhh, mommy is sleeping.”  
“What are _you_ doing here daddy?” Nina whispered.  
He giggled, got up and gently guided the little girl out of the room.  
“Come” he said “Let’s get you back to bed. It’s still early.”  
“But I am not sleepy”.He sighed. She was definitely his daughter. Just wiser and smarter, a combo that only made her more lethal to him.  
Marie was more of a quiet observer, a deep thinker, often pensive, painfully careful to everyone’s feelings.  
Nina was had the same deep gaze of her mother, but his sharp, impulsive, opinionated tongue.  
“Well, you can just lay down then, I’ll sit here if you want.”  
“But what were you doing in mommy’s bed?”  
“I was talking to her last night and I jut fell asleep there.”  
Nina looked at him for a long second.  
“Mh, I don’t believe you.”  
He laughed. “Okay then.”  
“Daddy, do you want to hear the nursery rhyme I learnt for Miss Clarke? She is going to ask me to tell it on Zoom in the morning in front of everyone.”  
“Sure. Let’s hear.”  
“It’s about frogs. Why would someone write about frogs?”  
“Maybe they liked frogs.”  
His daughter looked at him like if had just given her the most stupid explanation in the world.  
“Mh. Anyway, it goes like…”

As he was listening to his daughter rhyming about frogs, and ponds, flowers and lakes he was thankful.Thankful for his insomnia, for his marriage non-marriage, for an infuriating pandemic that had forced them together.

“Daddy?”  
“Yes, Nina?”  
“Did you like it?”  
“Of course.”  
“Do you think I’ll get a good grade?”  
“Yeah, I’m sure Miss Clarke will be impressed with you, honey. But you should try to sleep a bit more, ok? I’ll wake you up.”  
“Okay. But can you stay?”  
He nodded. “I’ll be right here.”  
“Thank you.” Nina replied in a yawn.

“I always want you to stay, daddy.”


	2. Look how things have turned out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Because of course, of course she had to fall in love with a musician.
> 
> ______________________________________________________________________

Marie looked at the alarm on her bedside table. Seven o’clock in the morning.  
She closed her eyes and touched the sheets beside her. They were cold. She snorted and her thoughts immediately started to spin.  
She pulled the duvet over her head and pressed her eyes closed.  
It was _difficult_.  
It was difficult to get up and be an adult, a mother, a professional and having to pretend that everything was perfectly okay.  
She had to do that for Nina’s sake, and she had learnt to do that since the two of them were on their own, but now it was _extremely_ difficult.  
Thank God he was there.  
Marie didn’t know how to feel about her husband, her feelings were all mixed up and confused, but she didn’t have the time to dwell in that now.  
There were more pressing things to worry about, and, if anything, she was grateful he was there.  
At least Nina had someone else to go to when her superhero face started to crumble.

Funny how, when she was Nina’s age, Marie had always thought that adults were fearless, cool superheroes. She couldn’t have been more wrong.

She found herself thinking about how easy everything was just a few weeks earlier.  
Yes, her heart was heavy, yes, she hated her family-situation, yes, she missed her husband greatly, but _at least_ , some things were easier.

**_End of February 2020, the backstage of a theatre in London_ **

She didn’t even talk to him when she entered the dressing room.   
Everyone was out, celebrating the closing night of her play. _Her_ big play. In a theatre, _in London._  
She had crossed her publicist, Erin, in the backstage corridor.  
“Your husband is here. He’s in dressing room A”. 

  
And there they were, in dressing room A. 

He was sitting on the windowsill, looking down at the street. His hair was still long. _He’s probably wearing my favourite jacket on purpose_ \- she thought. The artificial light of the street reflected on his skin. Never translucent, always perfect. She remembered his skin.   
It was soft.   
He was relaxed, she could see his eyes in the reflection of the window, and he could see her.  
He smiled. He _genuinely_ smiled and her heart… Marie couldn’t describe what happened to her heart every time she realised that he still smiled at her like _that_ , t _hat he could still allow himself to smile at her like that._ In that intimate, safe, way. That he still felt safe with her.   
It was everything she ever wanted.   
And everything looked the same. Felt the same.   
_But he’s not my husband_ \- she thought. _Well. According to the law of the State of California he is. And we have a daughter together. And she’s so like him. And yes, I’ve never signed the divorce paper that he wanted me to sign. So, yes, legally we’re still married. But the truth is, we never really were._

She tried to clear her head and sat on the windowsill, beside him.   
“Hey.”   
She smiled.   
“You’re doing pretty well. The play was amazing.”   
She just nodded at his words.  
“What are you doing here?”   
“Just passing by.”   
“In London?”   
“Why not?”  
Yeah… _Why not?  
_“I thought I would surprise Nina for the weekend.”   
“She would love that.”   
“I really loved the play.”   
“I know.”   
Silence.   
There are so many things she wanted to say but she couldn’t.  
He took her hand and she felt like she could cry. She wanted to hug him and sob. She wanted to breathe him and crack open. She wanted to love him so much that her bones hurt. 

“I miss you” she said it in a whisper.  
“I know. But you’re doing so much better now.”  
“You don’t know that. Just because I smile when you pick up Nina, just because I come to your mom’s birthday party, just because I put this play together, it doesn’t mean I am doing much better. I don’t feel better.”  
“I’m sorry.” 

She knew he meant it.   
“I thought this was your dream” he lets out  
“It was. It still is. But I realised that I talked about my dream, _my ultimate dream_ in all of my books, and even this play, it is all about…”   
“Family”.   
“Yeah.”   
“I’m sorry I broke your dream”   
She shook her head. “We both did”. 

  
Silence. 

  
His arms were around her shoulders, her head is on his chest. “You know we can always… talk, right?”   
She nodded. Of course she knew.   
“So how are you feeling?”   
He sounded worried. He wasn’t feeling safe anymore because he was afraid that she was not safe.   
“You know how much I love stars, right? That is how it all.. Started.”  
His grip on her shoulder gets stronger. Of course he remembered. He was waiting for her to continue.  
“Now, every time I look up all I see it’s a sky without stars.”

**April 2020, the lake house, Italy**

_Well, that was a dramatic way to put it_ \- Marie thought, trying to scroll away the memories.

But, after all, she was a writer, being dramatic was in her blood.

_Like that phone call_ \- she thought - _oh, please, don’t make me think about the phone call._

She got up, in the attempt to escape memories that made her skin crawl.  
It was time to wake up her little one for breakfast and help her to set up for online school.  
He was nowhere to be found.  
Probably hiding in his music studio, in a conference call with some other musicians or producer orGod knew who else.

_Because of course, of course she had to fall in love with a musician._

_And look how things have turned out_ \- she thought, while opening the door of her daughter’s room.

Marie stopped there. The room was lit only in the light of the stars projector, the blinds closed.  
Her husband barely fit in the little girl’s bed and Nina was all cuddled up on his chest, the red locks sprawled around her head, under his chin, her hands on the collar of his shirt.

_Look how things have turned out._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, man, these two are still so much in love, but they can't really be together...or could they?  
> And why, why?  
> Well, you'll find out.  
> Thank you so much for all the hits and kudos.  
> Keep them coming! And I'd love to hear from you, so please, feel free to leave a comment if you want.  
> My love for this little family it's enough to keep me motivated and keep writing (for now) but I also need your voice, my dears.
> 
> See you soon
> 
> hugs,
> 
> x


	3. The world is a scary place, but it is not your fault.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I want to ask you something. Even if I already know the answer.”  
> “Don’t ask, then.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Basically Short, Smuff and Slightly Sad.  
> Also, TW: Mention of anxiety due to lockdown's economic impact.

Marie slammed her PC shut.

She hid her face in her hands and started rubbing her eyes.

It was the middle of the night, she had been working on her spreadsheets all day and apparently there was no way to make things turn for the better.

“What’s wrong?”

“Do we really need to have the news on all day long, for God’s sake!?” she screamed at him.

He turned the TV off and joined her on the sofa.

“What’s wrong?”

She looked at him with sad eyes and sighed.

“I’m sorry I yelled. It’s not your fault. It’s just…”

“I know, don’t worry, just talk to me.”

He was so _kind_ to her it was almost unbearable. She _knew_ why he was so attentive and _sweet_ and it only made her feel more guilty about their whole situation.

“I had to cancel more productions, I had to let people go, and… _We_ are fine. Me, you and Nina _we_ are fine, but what about the ones who aren’t?”

“Marie, sweetie, you can’t save the world.”

“I know _that_.”she snapped “I know that, but there must be a way we can help. I tried to use the funding I had decided to invest in my next productions in pay checks, so that I don’t have to let people go, but I don’t know how…” her voice was starting to break are and his hold on her hands grew tighter.

“It’s ok.” he hushed “It’s okay, Marie, we’ll think of something, mmh?”

She nodded, trying tonight back the tears that were already watering her eyes. She moved closed to him, longing for his presence, for the comfort of his touch.

He surprisingly welcomed her in his embrace and held her to his chest.

“World’s scary place, but it’s not your fault, ‘kay, Marie?”

He softly kissed the top of her head.

“Try to remember, that, okay?” She didn’t answer. “Okay?” he asked again.

She nodded.

“Even when I am not around.”

She lifted her head and looked at him.

“ _But you’re here now_.”

He bent his head so that their foreheads touched, and kissed the tip of her nose.

“Yes.” he breathed “ _I am here now_.”

“So be with me.” she buried her hands in his hair “Just _be with_ me.”

He held her closer to him.

“Are you sure?”

She cupped his face with he hands, head hidden in his shoulder, lips kissing the bare skin of his neck.

“It’s okay.”

He put one of his arms across her waist and wile supporting her back with the other, he reversed their position, making her lay down on the sofa, he adjusting on top of her.

He knew her _skin_ , all of the _places_ where his lips made her _tremble_ , he _knew_ how much she _craved_ his fingers, and he knew how to make her body quiver and twist.

She hissed when his hands firmly pinned her hips down to the sofa and he softly kissed her thigh before he buried his head between her legs.

Her back arched at his touch, her lips parted.

  
“Please… Let me…” she breathed out, as he brought her on the verge of exasperation. “Let me touch you.” she managed to mutter.

  
She felt him smile against her skin, before pulling himself up, making her sit up on his lap.

  
Marie gently wrapped her fingers around him, making him moan against her neck.

  
She ran her finger along his vein that pulsed underneath her touch and begun to stroke him.

  
His lips trembled against hers, he tried so say _something_ , but she just devoured his words and only let go of his mouth when he let his fingers slip inside her.

  
Marie jolted and clutched his shoulders, her hand was moving faster now, accommodating his pace.

  
She brought her lips to his ear, her breath short, she could feel his whole body tensing up as they drove each other closer.

  
“I…” she gasped “I really…”

  
“Tell me.” he said “Tell me sweetie.”

  
“Let me…” she cried out “Please let me…”

  
He nodded and kissed her, his hands cupped her breasts while she slowly slid on his length.

  
They were wrapped around one another, she had no intention of letting him go and he was so lost in her that he didn’t even want to find his way back.

  
“You’re such a joy.” he husked “You’re _so_ precious to me.”

“Move… faster.” she begged and as he accomodate her needs hit that sweet spot of her that made melt in his arms, while he too, collapsed in her embrace.

They stood still.

  
Her head on his chest, his hands caressing her back, untangling her hair.

  
Everything was familiar and right and perfectly in place.

And yet… _Yet_ they both knew, despite their feelings, _that_ couldn’t be their life.

“I want to ask you something. Even if I already know the answer.”

“Don’t ask, then.”

Mare shook her head.

“Would you hold me forever?”

He closed his eyes and wrapped his arms around her. He placed his chin on her head.

“I can’t.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My sweet, sweet readers.  
> At least in this short chapter they got to enjoy one another.  
> If things have been foggy for you up to here, they'll get clearer in the coming chapters (but will they, really?) and sadly it also mean that stuff will go downhill for our sweet family.  
> And it also mean we're approaching the end of this short story.  
> You'll only have to bear with me for a couple more chapters.  
> Thank you for your bookmarks, kudos and for simply reading my words, really.  
> It means a lot to me.  
> Don't forget to leave a comment if you want, I'd love to hear from you and to know what you think about these characters.
> 
> hugs.
> 
> x


	4. I can go anywhere I want, just not home.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She went trough it again, and she broke off in an hysterical laughter, broken by the soul-shattering sobs she cold not hold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Mention of suicide attempt.  
> If this is a major trigger for you, please be careful if you decide to read this chapter and know that you are loved by many, many people. You might not realise that, but you are.  
> If you are struggling, please, reach out for help.  
> Hugs.

It’s not even morning yet, when he gently brushes his fingertips on her bare skin.  
“Oh, Marie…” his voice is a soft whisper “You are the still point of the turning world.”  
And she was. Somehow she was. He knew that every time he would go back to her, even jus to see Nina, every time that he would be with her he would feel loved. Despite all the mistakes, misunderstandings and bumps in their relationship. Despite he knew it was him who asked for a divorce, he wasn’t sure to be able to give up that feeling of being loved.  
And deep down, he was ashamed of that. Because he felt like he was steeling something from her, something that didn’t belong to him, not anymore, something that he didn’t deserve.

“Don’t say that” she breathed out.   
“Mmmh?”   
“Don’t do that. Don’t quote poetry at me like this.”  
“But you are.”  
“You know it is not true”  
“Why would you say that?”  
“Because if it were, we wouldn’t be like this.”  
“Can’t it be true anyway?”  
She sighed deeply and tilted her head to look up to him. She broke the embrace that held them together and climbed down the sofa.  
“I’ll be up in my room.” she said “See you later in the morning, ok?”  
He nodded and watched her stepping up the stairs.

“It’s still true to me.”

Later that morning Marie put the cookies that she and Nina had just baked in the oven, the child had just run upstairs in her playroom.  
He emerged from the studio and joined her in the kitchen.  
“Good news?” she asked.  
“Same old, same old…. I’m having several requests produce new work. They’re all extremely good pitches, to be honest. It’s good to see that music never stops, really.”  
Marie looked at him. His passion for his work, his creative spirt were the first things that made her fall for him.  
“Good.” she said “Good, it’s good for you. I know how much you hate to stop.”  
“Marie, I’m really sorry that you are stuck.”  
“Oh, don’t be, seriously. It’s terrible for me, work-wise, but it will get better. I’m genuinely happy for you.” she smiled. She put a timer on for the cookies and went to the living-room, still filled with his packed bags.  
“But I seriously think you should get settled. I mean, you’ll be stuck with us for quite a while. Do you really want to leave all your stuff in suitcases and boxes?”  
“I hate unpacking.” he grunted.  
She laughed.  
“I know. But I’ll help you.” she said, unzipping a backpack “Only because the don’t have anything better to do.”

It was the first thing she saw.  
The blue folder.  
She took it out the backpack, her hand shaking.  
“Do… Do you…” her voice broke in a sob“Why did you bring these with you?”  
He looked at the bunch of papers she was holding.  
“I can’t believe you!” she whispered in shock. “We are in the middle of a pandemic and you come here, you fuck me like you love me, you quote _T.S. Eliot_ to me and you have the fucking divorce paper with you in your backpack?” Marie was screaming now.  
“Marie calm down, please, I can explain.”  
“You have nothing to explain. Oh, but _what_ are you?” she yelled, throwing the folder on the coffe table.  
“Nina!” she called “Nina, come here, we’re goingout.”  
“What are you doing?”  
“Going for a walk with my daughter. That is still allowed.”  
Nina froze on the last step of the staircase.  
“Mommy?”  
“Yes, sweetie, we’re going to the beach for a while. Put your coat on baby.”  
“You really shouldn’t go to the beach.”  
“There’s no one there. We’ll be safe.” Marie breathed through her teeth, grabbing her daughter’s hand and slamming the door behind them.

“Mommy, why are you crying?” Nina asked, looking up, her eyes wide with worry.  
“Oh sweetie.” Marie hushed “It’s just the cold air. I’m fine, really.” She kneels down to be at the same level with the little one. “Just give me a big hug.” The tittle girl buried herself in the arms of her mother.  
“I love you” Marie whispered through Nina’s red curls “So, so much.”  
“I love you too mommy.” Nina said “Can I walk to the pier?”  
“Of course you can. Be carful okay? I’ll be right here.”  
Nina nodded, placed a sloppy kiss on Marie cheek and run towards the pier.  
Marie sat down, head in her hands.

_What was I thinking?_

She sobbed quietly in her loneliness, remembering every details of the first time she saw those paper, three years before.

_Los Angeles, 2017_

_The keys are faulty, they won’t unlock the front door. He is already in the house. She can see through the curtains that the lights are on in the kitchen. She knocks a couple of times and she hears his steps in the corridor. Her grip on the orange shopping bag full of grocery gets tighter. Her heart sinks in her stomach as her husband opens the door. He looks at her quickly - almost as if he couldn’t bear her sight.  
Marie makes her way to the kitchen, her heels clicking on the floor.  
“ll make some tea, is that alright?”  
He is behind her, and she is sure he’s rolling his eyes.  
“Why are you doing that? You just need to sign, and it will be over. You wont see me again.”  
Marie closes her eyes, as she puts the boiler on and grabs two mugs.  
\- But I want to see you again - she thinks - I want to see you all the time -  
“Look, those two are the only ones left. Do you want to take them? You”ve always like these mugs. You can have them. I’ll just rinse them after our tea and you can have them, ok?”  
“Marie, please, the papers are on the table. I don’t understand why you need to make it so difficult. I agreed to meet you here. You promised me you would have signed.”  
“Let’s not talk about promises, shall we?”  
She is restless as she walks around the empty kitchen.  
“This house smells like fresh paint again. Remember? The first time we came here.”  
“Why? Why are you not listening?”  
His words are filled with exasperation. Marie ignores them, she swallows them, even if they’re like poison.  
“The first time we went here. It was all new, and the wall has just been painted. I had stopped by the shop after work when you called me and asked me to come here.”  
The tea is fuming in the cups. She grabs one and offers it to him, looking at him while she takes it.  
“I love your hands.”   
He shakes his head. “You’re talking nonsense. Are you drunk?”  
“Drunk? I was just remembering. You asked me to come here, and everything smelled of fresh paint. You kissed me. You said ‘Welcome home’, like in the movies, because you know I like that kind of stuff. Romantic stuff. Then I made love to you, remember?”  
She looks at him. Her eyes are watery, she is shaking a bit.  
“Remember? Against that wall.”  
Daisy raises her mug and points to the living-room wall.  
“But the paint was fresh and your shirt got dirty.”  
She laughs, but her laughter is sad.  
“Stop. Stop doing this.”  
She ignores him and goes on.  
“I tried to clean it, with some washing powder I had in the shopping bag. And then you made love to me. On the floor. But you dropped my perfume’s bottle. So this place smelled of clean laundry and spiced orange. And now look. Look. Everything is gone. Why do you want my signature on those papers? You never told me.”  
She grabs his hand.  
“Do you think my signature will set you free? You are free. You are free right now, to walk away from this house, from our marriage and from me. Walk away. Be free. What are you scared of? I would love you anyway. You are free, love.”  
“That’s not the point.” He says, stepping away from her.  
“And what’s the point, then? What are you afraid of? That your feelings will follow you? Are you still in love with me?”  
“For Christ’s sake!” he screams “Of course I am still in love with you!”  
“And so why? Why?” Marie is crying “Why would you do this to me?”_

_“Because even if I still love you, our marriage is over. It ended as soon as you chose death upon me.”  
Marie steps away from her husband as if he slapped her.  
Everything freezes. She remembers. The noise, the people. The yellow line of the platform under her feet. And then the void. Her best friend’s arms around her trembling body. The look on her face._

_“I-It was an accident.”  
“Don’t lie to me! How do you think I felt when Julia phoned me to tell me that my wife wanted to kill herself?”  
She sits on the chair next to the window, her eyes staring at the floor.  
“Nobody was looking.” she whispers “I don’t know. For a moment I thought my life belonged to nobody but me. I was wrong. I know it now.”  
Her heart hurts.  
“Please come here. I am so sorry. My mind is broken. I thought I could fix it. But I can’t. Nobody can.”  
  
He reaches her. His hand is soft on her cheek.  
He places his forehead against his wife’s.  
“You’re in pain” she speaks softly, smiling sadly “I can always see when you are. Your shoulders are curved. Your eyes are restless. You’re so afraid of it because you can’t control it. It tears you apart. It always takes you by surprise, doesn’t it? And you hate it. Everybody hates pain.”  
“I can’t lose you to death. I’d rather lose you through divorce than through your suicide. I am a coward. I couldn’t bear it. Please. Sign the papers.”  
“You’re not a coward. You’re human. You’re fragile. Your fragility is so tender it breaks my heart”  
Her hands are rubbing his back, softly, calmly.  
“I couldn’t sleep last night. I kept thinking and thinking. What do I do? And for a moment I thought I could come here today and face it. The end, I mean. But I can’t. I can’t sign.I love you”. Marie’s words are on his lips._

_“My love for you is so violent. It sends my heart to the mood, all over the places.”  
He kisses her. She kisses him. There’s sweetness in their kisses. Forgiveness. Guilt. They are delicate. Deep.  
“Loving you bring me exhaustion. And peace. I don’t want you to go. I don’t want us to end. I don’t want to end. I want to keep existing. To keep living.”  
He’s still kissing her as if he wanted to treasure her words, to lock them in his heart.  
“But I don’t want to force you to stay.”  
She looks at him in the eyes.  
“I love your eyes. You still have those Peter Pan’s eyes”  
“But I grew up”  
Her fingers are sweet on his unshaven cheek.  
“Yes, love you did.”  
For a moment the room is silent. But it’s not cold. It is warm. It is a silence made of shared secrets shared dreams, a silence of unspeakable love._

_“Let’s make a deal, ok?” Marie’s voice is cracked, but she is smiling “You go, okay? You go, and I’ll be okay. And I promise you, I promise: as soon as you’ll find another house smelling of clean laundry and spiced orange, as soon as you’ll find happiness away from this home, away from us, I’ll sign the paper. Okay? I promise”  
She holds him close, he takes shelter in her embrace._

_“I promise.”_

Marie’s heart still ached at the memories of the worst day of her life.  
She swallowed hard, her hand in the pockets of her coat, desperate to find a tissue to wipe the tears away.  
But she couldn’t find one.  
Her fingers wrapped around a glossy leaflet.  
It’s a brochure that her therapist had given her ages ago.  
She went trough it again, and she broke off in an hysterical laughter, broken by the soul-shattering sobs she cold not hold.

_I check all the boxes._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi Readers,  
> oh my, this chapter was the most difficult for me to write.  
> Sometimes love stories are complicated.  
> What do you think Marie found in her pocked?  
> She thinks she checks all the boxes, but for what?  
> I'd love to hear your opinions.  
> And what do you think?  
> Will this marriage survive?


End file.
